Monday, 19 January 2015

Your Dystopian Future - Bunker Theory

I think too much and have a functional imagination that has been choking on dystopian literature for the past four years. I came across a few books that focused on futures (in America, because all bad stuff happens in America) that had communities warring over resources. I believe in angry people, starvation, water shortages and gang mentalities as reasons why it’s a good idea to invest in a bunker. Humans are the common denominator in two scenarios that create the perfect conditions for you to wish you had a bunker.

The first scenario is climate change. We dump pollution into our rivers, chop down our earth lungs (the Amazon Rainforest and The Congo River Basin) for fun and pump carbon dioxide and methane into the air like it’s going out of fashion. We’re having the biggest party now but we're on the trajectory to experiencing the worst hangover possible. Can you imagine a future where droughts and severe storms are regular weather events? I would imagine that it’s rather difficult to grow food when there is no water or there is too much water. When food and drinking water shortages arrive you'll become the star of your own series of Survivor. It’s just that the other contestants might not play nicely if they have guns.

The second scenario involved an extended nationwide blackout. In one book, countries grouped together to detonate electromagnetic pulses that destroyed America’s major power stations. I occasionally had nightmares about this story but I allowed myself to believe that I'd never have to experience something like this in South Africa. We're so unlike America. Our earthquakes knock over chairs, our tornados can only carry sand and we have a different approach to foreign policy. We do have Eskom though. We also have worries that a single infrastructure failure at an Eskom power station could cause a nationwide blackout. We don't know how long it would take to fix a situation like that but if the blackout lasted for weeks then we could have a few problems. Imagine your life without electricity (obviously), cellular and internet connections (unless our service providers can power themselves using love), running water (our pumps won’t work) and fresh food (major farmers will not be able to irrigate their farms without electricity or running water).

Things will be okay for a while because everyone will expect power to return like it usually does. If the power doesn't come back you'll begin to experience panic over the lack of drinking water and food because someone will have already ransacked your local Spar. At this point you better be prepared to fight or flee because others will take whatever resources you have left by force.

The main characters of stories like these have survived because of three principles: preparedness, speed and location. Preparedness saw the characters learning how to fight, owning an arsenal of weapons and cramming survival skills. They also stored tinned food and learned how to grow food in different conditions. Speed was indicated by them high-tailing it out of major cities. They filled up their vehicles and didn't stop driving until they were far away from populated locations. They chose to settle in areas that were undesirable for human settlement because if they didn't want to live there then it was likely that others wouldn’t venture there.

I look at all of this and realised that two plans could be made from those principles. If the disaster hits your country, surrounding countries are fine and flights, ships or buses are still operational then I would vote with getting out of the country very quickly. If the problem is widespread like Mother Nature bitching all over the place then you better hope there is bunker waiting for you in a swamp, on top of a mountain or in a desert. 

It’s all so morbid, yeah?

Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Hello Ambassador 2014 Speech

Hello everyone. I am privileged to speak to you today as the editor of Drop Your Drink, a Pretoria-based music and photography blog and a music photographer. My name is Yetunde Dada, but as friends you may call me Yetu.

I’m going to tell you a bit about myself, Drop Your Drink, my photography and what it takes to do your own thing. The bit about doing your own thing is the main reason why I've called this presentation 2014: Your Space Odyssey, in reference to the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. I hope you will all be inspired to do your own thing and tackle the HAL 9000s out there.

I am half of the Dada siblings, my brother's name is Deji and I've lived in Pretoria for most of my life. I ended up studying mechanical engineering at the University of Pretoria. I spend most days stressing about my honours degree while working at the CSIR. Sometime during my 3rd year in my degree I had reached a bit of a stand-still. I didn't like my degree but couldn't see myself doing anything else. I even went as far as to check in with career guidance. The lady there told me to remember things what I loved at the time I had started my degree. There were two things that stood out for me, writing and a passion for combating climate change. 

When you get lost in the noise of the daily grind, it is important to remember where you started from and what you really love doing. And to have someone who can point you in the right direction. That, will keep you doing your own thing. 

Through my writing I started a blog called ‘Erase Nothing’ and it’s still on the internet somewhere. I wrote about nothing and everything: recipes, random bits of advice, saving the environment and my love for the growing electronic music scene in Pretoria. After about a month of this I realised that the content combination on the blog didn't make sense and this is how Drop Your Drink was born. 

Drop Your Drink took the party out of Erase Nothing and made it a more serious blog in December 2011. We will be three years old and going stronger December this year.

In Drop Your Drink we found a niche. We cover the alternative music scenes in Pretoria, Johannesburg, Cape Town and New York with event and concert photography. We like art and fashion too. The team is made up of 16 writers and photographers in those cities. We have growing readership and social media following and we've got many exciting plans ahead. 

You may ask how does a blog that looked like Microsoft Paint project go from looking like this to this?

It took a lot of time, discussions in a Facebook group and effort from an incredible team to make it happen. If I've learnt anything on this journey it’s that if you want to go fast you’ll go alone but if you want to go far you'll go in a team.

Trust your intuition when selecting a team to work with you on your idea because it's always right. The Drop Your Drink team, some of which are here, have a passion for doing things, dancing to the Cat Daddy, dropping drinks and living life to the fullest. This made them a perfect fit because we've made a culture out of being a family and being true to ourselves.

I will go into some of the strengths of Drop Your Drink.

We do social media really well. You know that they say that you become an expert at something when you have practised it for 10000 hours? A few members of the team have more than 10000 hours of social media time behind them. This has allowed us to create a big social media presence for such a young blog. 

We like original content. This is where that whole honesty thing comes in. We don't hide the truth in our pieces but at the same time we don't go out of our way to be nasty. Our readers really appreciate this. 

Some of us are really good at networking. I like to hang out in the background but when I say that I shoot for Drop Your Drink I get one of two responses: “Do you know Deji?” or “Do you know Henry?” I have never minded this because we're just playing at our strengths and it benefits the blog.

We haven't always had our ups. One specific post stands out. In 2013, Skrillex came to South Africa and performed a set of shows here. We covered his show at a waterless park in Boksburg, whose name I will not mention.

I won't reveal the extent of my dislike for that particular venue. I also won't go into detail about my experience trying organise media passes before the event because that too was a nightmare. I will say that at 12h30 on the Saturday of the concert I was left with no option but to give our fashion editor at the time my VIP ticket because I found out at the entrance that I did have media accreditation after all. Some of the highlights during the afternoon included being shouted by a bouncer because media people were apparently not allowed into the VIP section from his entrance, watching him shout at the ticketing officers who came to assist me and being barred from the photo pit for all acts. It was at this point that Lucy, my fellow team member, and I decided to focus on another aspect of that concert: the horror of the fashion at that concert.

I took photos of girls in bikinis, girls with their butts out and jocks in wife beaters. If I could have captured the essence of Snooki 101 Tanning Oil and smeared it on those photos then I would have done that too. Lucy collected notes and wrote. The post received very interesting and varied reactions. The first was what we intended, humour and lots of laughter. The second was responses from angry people featured in the post (I guess one has to be careful about people’s rights). We got the angriest comments from the person in charge of media for the venue. In our line of work relationships with concert organisers are important. We however value freedom of speech and honesty in our work. I could say that we had the last laugh in the end though. We were re-followed on all social media channels by the venue a few weeks ago. I guess some people hold grudges. I might have needed two or three tissues to stem the tears of laughter. 

One of the biggest sacrifices for growth in any field is time and hard work. How much time and hard work are you willing to put into making your ideas come to light? I can tell you that when it’s 3am, you’re writing an exam in 5 hours and you’re busy drafting interview questions for some local act that you don’t know then you have to consider that cost. You also have to make sure that you have a solid foundation that can remind you why you started your project in the first place. I've watched many good ideas fail because of this. People just gave up and the dream dies with them. We keep persevering as a blog and it’s allowed us to keep gaining traction and become better at what we do. 

I want to take a bit of time out and explain what I do in photography. I started photography because of Drop Your Drink. I wanted to take better photos for the blog. I’ve had to learn the very important lesson on making it a point to educate myself in whatever I do. Learning is a life-long process and it’s good to note that mistakes can be gifts if you decide to learn from them. Some of the cool stuff I’ve done in photography is being able to shoot music festivals abroad and work with amazing organisations like Griet, A Fashion Friend, GQ, MK and Amstel Lite.

I think the biggest developments for me have been based on competitions. I was a finalist in the British Design & Art Direction Decisive Moment brief for Nokia earlier on this year and also in the NME Music Photography competition for 2014. I have simple advice about this. You have nothing to lose by entering competitions, if anything you gain from the experience of creating the content. So why not enter?

Let’s take it back to Drop Your Drink before I close. Our future projects will see us becoming more DYD Film, taking over Pretoria and saving the world. DYD Film is a strategic move and it’s something that we've been working on this year already. We want to move from a photography base to having more video content. Our most recent illustration of this was the Oppikoppi 2014 after movie that we did with MK.

We’re also moving to take over Pretoria in the sense that we want to be part of the changes that we’re seeing in the city. It’s not enough for us to just fulfil the role of documenting the change, we want to do more and involve ourselves in projects. We keep asking ourselves how we’re going to do this but I'm sure we'll figure out a way and get it right.

Saving the world from the HAL 9000s that we see and experience around us is my last point. I want you to realise that you can always do more and complain less about problems that you see around you. For me, that means that my passion for combating climate change has Drop Your Drink as an established platform. It’s a bit of a weird combination but we’re trying to make recycling and climate change as cool as watching Crystal Fighters live.

You got to hear about my journey with Drop Your Drink, some bits of my life as a photographer and where we’re heading. It is my hope that your 2014 Space Odyssey has some fuel to get going after this. I will leave you with these wise words from Farrah Gray, “Build your own dreams or someone else will hire you to build theirs.”

Thank you for listening. 

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Soul Mates

I believe in soul mates, a few people in this world that you'll have this weird/amazing/terrifying connection to.
I've also been thinking about what it means to break up with a soul mate.

Is it possible to get over them?

Do you ever stop thinking about them?

I'm tired of bringing up a list of reasons to remind myself why it wasn't working.

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

"Hey, I Just Met You!" Jokes

You're going to hate me because this song is going to get stuck in your head. However, I've been suffering for two hours now and you might as well burn with me. These are my favourite "Hey, I Just Met You!" jokes based on Carly Rae Jepsen's Call Me Maybe hit song. If you have been living under a rock then please watch this video. It has a funny ending.


The jokes:

- Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. I took some bath salts, your face looks tasty.


- Hey, I just met you, your tan is crazy. What race are you? Carrot, maybe?


- [Darth Vader] Hey I just met you, and this is crazy! But I'm your father, so join me maybe!


- Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But I'm on my period so I might eat all your bread & kill you if you 
look at me wrong. Call me, maybe?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. Are you winking at me, or is your eye just lazy?


- Stalker: Hey, I just met you. 
Me: ... 
Stalker: And this is crazy. 
Me: -.- 
Stalker: I have your number... 
Me: O_O 
Stalker: I'll call you daily!


- Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But here's my name, number, social security number, Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, room number, so stalk me baby.


- Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But I'm your Fuhrer, so Heil me maybe?


The biggest joke:

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy! But here's my number, so call me maybe. 

Thursday, 5 July 2012

Free Advice - Forgetting People's Names


There was a time in human existance when Hi5, Myspace and Bebo ruled the world. In that time I had an amazing sense of name and birthday recall. I could meet you once, remember your name, and tons of random facts about you. That was a time before Facebook. Two years into having a Facebook profile I found that I had lost my ability to recall people's birthdays.

Imagine this scenario: I arrived at school early and met a friend at the gate. We talked for 30 minutes then walked to class. The first set of people that saw us immediately said, "Happy Birthday [Insert Name]!". I was so horrified that I had forgotten it because I had looked at it that morning on Facebook that I stalked off  instead of going through that, "Oh my gosh [Insert Name]! I'm so sorry I forgot your birthday! Happy birthday!". My shame was so great that I didn't even wish him a happy birthday when I got home.

That was just birthdays. Now I make a point of checking to see if anyone around me is having a birthday and I write it on my hand so I don't forget. Five years into having my Facebook profile and I have discovered that I have a problem with name recollection. It's gone from a simple, "I think his name is Ben... No... Umm...Adam? Maybe, no Chester? No! I got it! It's Tom!" to "What? His name is Tarzan? I never thought that, oh, he's told me twice? Oh..."

This is what happens when I meet someone.
- Hello's are exchanged
- I give my name
- My mind temporarily switches off
- I miss the person's name
- Brain switches on
- Carry on conversation not knowing who I'm talking to


It's bad, it's really bad, so I've come up with a few methods to work around forgetting people's names (in certain situations) and a few tips to help improve name recollection.

4) You ask for a nickname
This doesn't always work but you could say, "Oh dude, don't have you a nickname that would be easier to remember?" I stopped using this tactic when a girl replied, "My name is Mary." Well, with a name of "Mary" she could have used a nickname of, "Virgin"?

3) Ask them to put their number on your phone
This requires you to hand them your phone so that they can put in the details. This works only if they want to give you a number. Otherwise you're screwed because they could give you a wrong name.

2) You have to make sure you have friends with you for the rest of your life
You meet someone when you're with a friend and you've forgotten that person's name. At first you will momentarily panic because you might have to do one-sided introductions or perhaps not introduce them at all. Now you can approach this in three different ways: 
- Use "Ah! Everyone is friends here! You guys introduce yourselves!"
- Duck and run away
- Warn your friend that you have forgotten that person's name and ask them to introduce themselves

This only works if you have kind, understanding friends. You get friends that would want you to burn because you have forgotten names.

1) You could actually try remembering their names
This is done in a few steps:
- Try your best to pay attention to their name. In other words, actually listen, instead of just hearing it
- Repeat their name a few times while carrying on the conversation
- Add them on Facebook or BBM

The last step is important because I'd like to believe the first two work but they don't in my case. The third step is just the final safety method. I do still wake up in the mornings and say, "Who the f is this?" before I remember.

Sunday, 17 June 2012

Free Advice - So You're a Facebook Stalker

Mark Zuckerberg and friends, that they always fail to mention, gave us many things when they launched Facebook in 2004. They gave us one of the world's most recognised websites, the ability to remember people's birthdays, be tagged in horrendous photos and facestalking capabilities.
You facestalk.
It is the the mindless activity that has you going through Facebook profiles while looking at photos, status updates, wall posts, links and random comments.You can Facestalk all sorts of people: friends, people you don't know, your mom and yourself.

Become a better facestalker. A better facestalker in the sense that you will be skilled at covering your tracks. There is nothing more disconcerting than someone accidentally hinting that they were facestalking you. The feeling could be compared to being stabbed in the butt by the serial butt stabber in northern Virginia. Pay attention, this information could save you from being a total freak and having no friends to facestalk - yes, it can reach that point, statistics indicate that 1 in 2 people* will end up this way.  

*99% of statistics are made up on the spot.



4. Don't like anything!
Mistake: You were on a friend's profile and you liked a profile picture from months/years ago. There is no way you could use the, "It was on my news feed" excuse, and you've evidently shown yourself as a facestalker. 

Repercussions: Your victim just felt like they've been pinched by the butt stabber, you.

Plan of action: Don't unlike the photo! It makes things worse because then your victim is certain they have been stalked and you're trying to cover it up. There is no way to move forward in this except to ignore it and never keep your mouse cursor by the like button.

3. Don't refer to anything you haven't spoken about!
Mistake: This one requires an example dialogue.
You: "Do you still support Chelsea?"
[Victim's eyes enlarge and facial expression settles into a mask of controlled panic]
Victim: "No...  I stopped supporting them after Mourinho buggered off in 2007. I support Man United now. Wait, how did you know that?"

Repercussions: Your victim's pants have a hole and there is a mild scratch because of your prowess with wielding the butt stabbing knife.

Plan of action: Pretend a friend told you. Oh! The victim doesn't have any friends you know? Then run, and never make this mistake again. 

2. Don't drink around facestalked victims
Mistake: You facestalked a friend's friend's friend and now you're drunk (and feeling confident, cause you're the shit) and you think you know them. So you decide to go greet them with a hug and "Hi [insert name], how are you?"

Repercussions: Your victim is going to press charges for assault, intimidation and harassment. 

Plan of action: This shouldn't have happened in the first place. Why did you friends let you go and say hi? Oh wait, you don't have any friends anymore. You could try not drinking at all?

1. Don't Facestalk

You didn't consider this?
If not possible repeat instructions 2-4. 

Thursday, 14 June 2012

Salted Butter Caramel Macarons


I was bored and inspired this afternoon. I was bored because I simply love to procrastinate and at that point I was procrastinating my procrastination time. I felt inspired because one of my friends baked the most delicious looking brownies this week and I discovered Salted Butter Caramel Macarons at Isabellas for R10 each and that made me angry because they were so expensive. I guess I had the right state of mind to make something cool, so I decided to try making Salted Butter Caramel Macarons. I did a lot of research before the time to find an easy recipe. I also checked many websites on common mistakes made because this was going to be my first time attempting them. The recipes I settled on for the basic Macaron shell and filling came from a blog called "You can do it... at home".

I'm not going to copy out the recipe because she has written it out so well and it has informative pictures. I will be using this recipe for Macarons in the future because I mostly got them right the first time. I didn't follow the Salted Butter Caramel Macaron recipe but only used the filling instructions from there.

Basic French Macaron shell recipe (read this as it's best for beginners): http://youcandoitathome.blogspot.com/2010/11/basic-macaron-recipe-french-meringue.html
Salted Butter Caramel Macarons: http://youcandoitathome.blogspot.com/2011/03/salted-caramel-macarons-me-against.html



Friday, 1 June 2012

I Hate Happy Feet

F*** that penguin!
I hate Happy Feet.
You do know that movie right?
The one with that dancing penguin?
Yes, I hate that movie.

There is no amount of sugar-coated coaxing or reasonable logic that will make me even remotely okay with it and that penguin. I thought the movie was a waste of my life. I'll try and explain why Happy Feet angered me so much.

The plot is about a penguin that is born to the best penguin singers and it can't sing but it can dance. It gets all the other penguins to dance and humans realise that global warming is a problem. The end. It's like Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer all over again except that the world doesn't get presents and there's fish!

Things I hated about Happy Feet:

  • Why couldn't the penguin sing like everyone else? One of the main themes of the movie is that it's good to be different but in this case it made me angry because I had to endure stupid dancing.
  • Why did they have to tap dance? 
  • Why didn't the scary animals trying to eat that penguin succeed? 
  • Why was that movie so long? 
  • Why did I stay and waste my life for it? 

I compiled a list of things I should have done instead of watching it:

  • I could have done a running-hug, slipped and broken my ankle
  • Gone to the gynecologist
  • Given myself paper cuts between my fingers and toes (Jackass Style)
  • Watched Verimark adverts
  • Rolled myself down a grassy hill and itched later
  • Gone to Antarctica and massacred all the penguins
Happy Feet cost me dearly. Not only did it cost me bits of my life, as we have discussed, but it made me extremely wary of animations. This was something only the movie Up could restore in some manner. It took this scene from Up to make it okay to occasionally watch animations without penguins.

"I was hiding under your porch because I love you" - Dug
I couldn't believe it when Happy Feet 2 came out. All I could think was, "F*** that penguin!"

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Your Dystopian Future - 3 Reasons Why You Need a Bunker

Your world will inevitably end, just like mine will one day. Being aware of this fact, having an overactive imagination and a propensity to procrastinate I have developed an idea of a rather dystopian future that our generation might have to live through when we're just about ready to enjoy our retirement funds.
In simple English, I think about how the world is going to go to shits. I enjoy small luxuries like listening to Dubstep, enjoying clean drinkable water, not being possessed by an insatiable need to eat other peoples' brains and limiting my exposure to ionizing radiation.
All this makes me think about how I need to start saving up for a bunker.
Yes, you read right, a bunker. You should consider building towards one as well because I might not let you stay in mine. I'm going to give you a glimpse into the mind of a pioneering genius, yes that's me, and the reasons why I think we might inevitably require one.


3. Zombie Apocalypse
There are different types of zombie apocalypse causes. A few include getting nasty neurotoxins injected into your brain, infection from a brain virus or a slight problem with fungi that controls your brain.
It would be common sense to stay as far away from the zombies as possible because you might get whatever they have. I don't think that being sprayed by chunks of rotten flesh, as you fight them off, would do you any good. Zombies would eventually die out once their food source disappeared. Staying in a bunker means you likely won't have to shoot your zombified best friend's face in or use a flame-thrower on your mom while she's wearing her flannel pj's because they will be in a bunker with you. When I suggest a bunker to hide in while all the zombies die in you shouldn't say, "Oh please! I'm going to fight them like a man! Grrrrr!", you should say, "Hell yeah! Do you think we'll get DSTV down there? When can we go pretend that we're Will Smith in I Am Legend?"

2. Mother Nature
Mother Nature hates us. Here are a few reasons why I say this:
  • Moose in the USA attempt to hijack cars by conducting windshield smashes
  • Baboons in South Africa succeed in hijacking cars by opening car doors
  • Spiders
  • 1% of the world's water can be used for human uses
  • Lions and Cheetahs are allowed to roam the streets in South Africa and terrorize a specific specie of blue Bulls
  • The ice on Mount Kilimanjaro is melting at a rate fast enough that I'll never be able to summit the mountain in time to see the ice. The ice will be gone by 2020, yes I'm kind of lazy.   
So we've established that Mother Nature hates us. Add on the fact that we pump toxins into rivers, dump sewerage into the oceans, let our trash collect in whirlpools and pump carbon dioxide and methane into the atmosphere and we're looking at a case of young Gohan vs Frieza, we all know that Goku had to step in finally defeat Frieza. It was never Gohan.

This is Mother Nature.
We're young Gohan and we're going to get the shit kicked out of our snotty little nose. You see the Earth has been around a lot longer than you and I and it will remain after we're buried somewhere in it or burnt to make more carbon dioxide. So when the Earth goes anal and normal weather is hurricanes and drought then you know you're going be a refugee on your own planet. As usual when resources like food and water run out then people become kind of grumpy. There will be anarchy, fire and people throwing bricks (because they always throw bricks) and you wonder what will I be doing?

Yes, I'll have one in my bunker.
The water thing is important because we like polluting it and for some stupid reason we can't really drink salty water so that eliminates 99% of our water sources. There's a guy in Texas who is buying water. He's a smart ass. I dig it, I will follow suit. I can picture humanity fighting over water. I mean it happens in The Wheel of Time with the Aiel people and that book is based on real-life events.
I'm talking total crap about The Wheel of Time but when 99.99999999999% of the world's population die out a fictional book could become a future historian's reference book.

1. Artificial Intelligence and Information
Perhaps I watched Terminator far too many times and Hal 9000 scared me senseless but I worry about things like artificial intelligence and building robots for robotic warfare.

ASIMO would be the first to crack.
Effectively all it takes is for one system to spaz out and become self-aware because we thought artificial intelligence would be a marvellous thing to program. I don't think you'd be smiling much if your top-of-the-range electrical vehicle tried to run you over while you were enjoying your morning shower. Then we have things like Google, and Google pretty much owns the Internet. They buy up dark fibre (kilometres of cable left unused after the initial Internet bubble), map the stars, enable cars to drive by themselves, own this blog, know where I live, what I look like... Wait! Help! They've found me hffrrrrrrsdfjaaaaeffffespfffffff.

So picture all that intelligence and a self-aware system and we're screwed. I don't know if military systems will be able to contain the threat and the very weapons we built to destroy each other will destroy us all. Life expectancy could drop from 80 to 10 and you're 25. Boom! Dead. Well I'll be chilling in my bunker.
I'll discuss optimal bunker placement with you in person. I have a feeling I'm being watched.


That's it! 
Do you feel enlightened? 
Are you going to save up for your bunker like you're living during the Cold War?
Yes?
My work here is done.