Some say where you're from is determined by your place of birth
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| "Tell me I'm not the greatest North Korean ever lived. Go ahead. I dare you." - Photo available here |
Some people have different answers for each one of those definitions of where you are from.
I am one of those people.
Growing up in a multi-cultural home is amazing because you get to have such a broad worldly view. You learn to have respect for different cultures and nationalities at a young age. However, we all know that everything has a trade-off. Where you gain in experiencing different cultures, you lose a sense of personal definition of where you are from. This is what I was struggling with. I recall when I was younger my mom used to warn me that one day I was going to struggle with finding my identity. I used to shrug this off as future me's problems. This year I realised that her warnings all those years ago were present day problems because I am future me. I was only really aware of this when I wrote the article about Cape Town and why I should have moved there, read point 1.1, and because I have visited both of my parents' homes in the space of a year.
I live in South Africa. I was born in Country A and my parents are from Country X and Country Y (side note: I'm paranoid about identity theft, so the countries will be labelled like that). I have a limited understanding of my mom's language, my dad's language and Afrikaans because it was drilled into me for 9 years but I will tell you that I only speak English. It was the language that my parents met each other with, are fluent in and what was convenient at home because neither had the time to teach me their languages.
Now because of this upbringing and where my family is from I am expected to fit into four boxes of where I am from.
I'm supposed to be that South African black girl who speaks Zulu, Sepedi, Sotho or Xhosa. Most specifically Zulu because my nickname mean "ours" in Zulu. The fact that I only speak English and have an understanding of Afrikaans is not good enough and on more than one occasion I have been called a "Coconut". I subsequently hate that word because I am not.
I'm supposed to be that Country A girl with citizenship but I'm not. I was just born there so I cannot claim that either.
I'm supposed to be that Country X girl who is completely mindful of culture and is of course fluent in Language 1.
I'm supposed to be that village girl who understands all Country Y culture and of course speaks Language 2.
What I'm trying to highlight here is that people, most people, seem to determine where you're from based on languages you speak. That is a problem for me now, isn't it? It's why I've felt I've never fitted anywhere, especially when I go to my many homes. I do realise that I'm not the only one who feels like this. The beauty of this is that I met a whole group of people who were just like me in high school. I was only aware that I was different when I wasn't in school, when I went to university. When people ask me to define myself in a short paragraph, normally at interviews, I break out into a cold sweat and ramble on about my parents' jobs and my family.
I made the decision that I'm either going to stay in South Africa when I graduate or go abroad with a friend. I'm most likely moving. When I go I don't want to be confused about where I'm from because that will eventually lead to an identity crises. With this in mind, I think my parents were wise in taking me to see Country X and Country Y these past two December holidays. It's good to know where I come from and being from both countries I can now complete my identity definition and not waffle as I used to. My mom says that knowing where you're from grounds you. She's right. With conviction I can say: I come from Town B, Country Y, Town A, Country X and I am South African.
I hope all people who struggle with the "Where am I from" bit of their Identity sort themselves out. Sometimes it's not about joining a side but forging a new one because you are not only defined by one side.
