One statement I heard recently from a black girl was, "I'm an anti-nigga kind of girl." I laughed but I began to wonder how many more girls have already zoned themselves without declaring it. Mixed schools + Angry African dads + Class division = A generation of black girls who don't want to date black guys. I thought it might be a good idea to explore why this is happening and why interracial couples are still not the norm. If you're already feeling uncomfortable or have a feeling that you will take offense then I suggest you stop reading, look at the cool picture and leave.
Back in the day, The-Days-That-Should-Not-Be-Named-Because-People-Immediately-Get-Tense, schools weren't mixed. You rarely got to interact with people from a different race unless you were working with or for them. "Anti-nigga" girls didn't exist because you would stick to the "norm" in terms of dating and marriage. Then Apartheid -yes, I said it - ended and schools slowly began to change. I mentioned the influence of school first because it is probably the most important factor when trying to see why the generation of "anti-nigga" girls exist.
Going to a good school in the early 90s meant moving to a white school. A minority of black parents were able to send their children to these schools. These children were the children of parents who had saved lots of money, for a very long time or were from other African countries. You know these children. The educated young adults that don't exactly sound black. They grew up surrounded by a lot of white children and very few black children. Understand that preference is developed by levels of exposure. Continuous exposure means certain things become the norm for you. If the minority children of the 90s had stayed in black schools then perhaps there wouldn't be such a big group of people that are okay with the idea of interracial dating. These minority children were friends with other black children. You wonder why do "anti-nigga" girls exist then? There are quite a few reasons but I believe it might be due to family dynamics and Neo-Apartheid.
[Generalisation coming up!] Women either marry men who are like their fathers or someone completely different. Guys do the same but use their mothers as reference. Now observe, the minority children are going to white schools. They are best friends with children that have white parents, seemingly more liberal than their parents. Animosity builds up because the minority children have strict black parents, the anger is directed at the fathers and that means crap relationships with their fathers. Daddy issues develop over time and BOOM girls don't want to date anyone like their fathers, so sorry black guys. It is judgmental, unfair and dangerous (I'll explain why later). You might get lucky and find a decent black guy, who had great parents and learnt some epic "how to behave" skills. You might also find that he's already taken.
Now onto the topic of Neo-Apartheid, class division. Class is determined by how much money you have. You will generally date within your "class". The minority children that were able to go to good schools from a young age were separated from the lower classes a very long time ago. The only experience black girls have of lower class men is cat-calls, shouted promises of marriage, awkward grabs, rude comments and fear. This just serves to turn them further away from the idea of dating black guys because they feel uncomfortable when any black guy is trying to court them.
Movies like Something New, Guess Who and Save the Last Dance give hope to the generation looking for an interracial relationship. The only reason they need hope is because while growing up people made you realise that what you prefer is not wrong, but not really right. Growing up and not being aware of colour is a life experience that many miss out on. Small comments, witnessing minor reactions and experiencing racism slowly colour in the characters of your colouring book. Before the scenery was coloured in and the little people playing in the scenes were not but over time you pick up a white crayon or a brown one or even perhaps a yellow one and start to fill in the blanks. The young adults of today are supposed to be the generation free of racial divides, however while there might not be physical boundaries there are mental ones. This brings me to the judgement.
Depending on where you live people will react to seeing an interracial couple. Areas largely free from judgement are the so-called "new" South Africa. I don't suggest you get married to someone from a different race in Orania, Northern Cape, rather go to Cape Town.
If you're in an area where interracial couples aren't common, or even still frowned upon, then people will react by staring. You will get four types of looks: the envious glance from people who want what you have; the shocked gawk: "Oh my gosh! That black girl is kissing that white guy on the cheek! Are they dating?"; the disgusted glower from people who are stuck in the past; and the look of pity from those who understand your judgement. You only have to look as far as recent news to see that the stares and comments will continue for a very long time.
Above is a poster made by the DA Student Organisation. The country went crazy! Most of the reactions were in support but a large amount of racist comments popped up. People need to get over themselves.
You might meet someone at these places but make sure you want to date them for the right reasons. Don't date a black girl, just because she's black. Don't date a white guy, just because he's white. You might be attracted to something but getting to know that person should determine whether or not you want to take it further. That's common sense. If you don't know who you are and what you want you might fall into a trap (the bit about danger). Some people are 'adventurous' because they want to experiment with stereotypes. Apparently black people are good in the sack. Then you have to deal with uncomfortable feelings because you're wanted but in a derogatory way. I often wonder why such old white guys are dating such young black girls. I would also suggest that you stay away from the creepy old Afrikaans guys.
So in conclusion, "anti-nigga girls" exist. You were made by society. You have a preference but I am adamant that you should open your eyes and stop seeing colour, stop seeing black and saying no, stop seeing white or indian or south-east asian and saying yes all the time. I hope you will be lucky enough to find someone who sees beyond colour or even sees your colour and loves it for the right reasons. The same applies to everyone else. You might miss out on the love of your life because they didn't look like what you're used to.
Back in the day, The-Days-That-Should-Not-Be-Named-Because-People-Immediately-Get-Tense, schools weren't mixed. You rarely got to interact with people from a different race unless you were working with or for them. "Anti-nigga" girls didn't exist because you would stick to the "norm" in terms of dating and marriage. Then Apartheid -yes, I said it - ended and schools slowly began to change. I mentioned the influence of school first because it is probably the most important factor when trying to see why the generation of "anti-nigga" girls exist.
Going to a good school in the early 90s meant moving to a white school. A minority of black parents were able to send their children to these schools. These children were the children of parents who had saved lots of money, for a very long time or were from other African countries. You know these children. The educated young adults that don't exactly sound black. They grew up surrounded by a lot of white children and very few black children. Understand that preference is developed by levels of exposure. Continuous exposure means certain things become the norm for you. If the minority children of the 90s had stayed in black schools then perhaps there wouldn't be such a big group of people that are okay with the idea of interracial dating. These minority children were friends with other black children. You wonder why do "anti-nigga" girls exist then? There are quite a few reasons but I believe it might be due to family dynamics and Neo-Apartheid.
[Generalisation coming up!] Women either marry men who are like their fathers or someone completely different. Guys do the same but use their mothers as reference. Now observe, the minority children are going to white schools. They are best friends with children that have white parents, seemingly more liberal than their parents. Animosity builds up because the minority children have strict black parents, the anger is directed at the fathers and that means crap relationships with their fathers. Daddy issues develop over time and BOOM girls don't want to date anyone like their fathers, so sorry black guys. It is judgmental, unfair and dangerous (I'll explain why later). You might get lucky and find a decent black guy, who had great parents and learnt some epic "how to behave" skills. You might also find that he's already taken.
Now onto the topic of Neo-Apartheid, class division. Class is determined by how much money you have. You will generally date within your "class". The minority children that were able to go to good schools from a young age were separated from the lower classes a very long time ago. The only experience black girls have of lower class men is cat-calls, shouted promises of marriage, awkward grabs, rude comments and fear. This just serves to turn them further away from the idea of dating black guys because they feel uncomfortable when any black guy is trying to court them.
Movies like Something New, Guess Who and Save the Last Dance give hope to the generation looking for an interracial relationship. The only reason they need hope is because while growing up people made you realise that what you prefer is not wrong, but not really right. Growing up and not being aware of colour is a life experience that many miss out on. Small comments, witnessing minor reactions and experiencing racism slowly colour in the characters of your colouring book. Before the scenery was coloured in and the little people playing in the scenes were not but over time you pick up a white crayon or a brown one or even perhaps a yellow one and start to fill in the blanks. The young adults of today are supposed to be the generation free of racial divides, however while there might not be physical boundaries there are mental ones. This brings me to the judgement.
Depending on where you live people will react to seeing an interracial couple. Areas largely free from judgement are the so-called "new" South Africa. I don't suggest you get married to someone from a different race in Orania, Northern Cape, rather go to Cape Town.
If you're in an area where interracial couples aren't common, or even still frowned upon, then people will react by staring. You will get four types of looks: the envious glance from people who want what you have; the shocked gawk: "Oh my gosh! That black girl is kissing that white guy on the cheek! Are they dating?"; the disgusted glower from people who are stuck in the past; and the look of pity from those who understand your judgement. You only have to look as far as recent news to see that the stares and comments will continue for a very long time.
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| Photo available here |
You might meet someone at these places but make sure you want to date them for the right reasons. Don't date a black girl, just because she's black. Don't date a white guy, just because he's white. You might be attracted to something but getting to know that person should determine whether or not you want to take it further. That's common sense. If you don't know who you are and what you want you might fall into a trap (the bit about danger). Some people are 'adventurous' because they want to experiment with stereotypes. Apparently black people are good in the sack. Then you have to deal with uncomfortable feelings because you're wanted but in a derogatory way. I often wonder why such old white guys are dating such young black girls. I would also suggest that you stay away from the creepy old Afrikaans guys.
So in conclusion, "anti-nigga girls" exist. You were made by society. You have a preference but I am adamant that you should open your eyes and stop seeing colour, stop seeing black and saying no, stop seeing white or indian or south-east asian and saying yes all the time. I hope you will be lucky enough to find someone who sees beyond colour or even sees your colour and loves it for the right reasons. The same applies to everyone else. You might miss out on the love of your life because they didn't look like what you're used to.
