The cows are the enemy! Courtesy of Aerosvit |
You can help these guys if you want to. Picture available here |
The cows are the enemy! Courtesy of Aerosvit |
You can help these guys if you want to. Picture available here |
Available here |
"Tell me I'm not the greatest North Korean ever lived. Go ahead. I dare you." - Photo available here |
Courtesy of Bethany (click here) |
Courtesy of Gerry (click here) |
Courtesy of Costume-Works.com (click here) |
Courtesy of Coolest-Handmade-Costumes.com (click here) |
Courtesy of Costume-Works.com (click here) |
Courtesy of Drew Ressler (click here) |
Courtesy of Joel Zimmerman a.k.a. Deadmau5 (Lol at the watermark) |
Perhaps the biggest fail of my life |
The Square is Rubbish! |
Tommy Gun at Oppikoppi 2011 |
Sad coconuty person |
Vovo Telo, Lynnwood |
Chicken Pecorino on Panini Bread |
Tiramisu |
Lemon Meringue and [Insert French Name] |
Dirtyloud (Brazil) |
F.O.O.L (Sweden) |
At night, I was convinced that the moon followed me wherever I went. This belief often struck me when I was in the car with my brother. We used to duck down in our seats, pretending that the moon couldn’t see us, and then pop up suddenly to shout, “Look, it found us again!”
We were young, okay? For some reason, I genuinely thought the moon chose to follow me and me alone. I never considered that it might also follow anyone else.
I flipped my “Y” horizontally on purpose. Why? Because it almost looked like a “K,” the first letter of the name of the boy I liked. I knew exactly what I was doing when I wrote it like that. I thought it was clever, and to be honest, I really liked him.
Sadly, I think this creative decision resulted in some poor marks at preschool. As for the Power Rangers toy he gave me? Long gone.
For a long time, I stayed quiet about what scared me. I would lie in the dark, my imagination running wild as I pictured all kinds of horrors around me. The second I thought my mom was in her bedroom, I would make the fastest dash known to humankind to reach the light switch. My eyes were usually closed during these sprints, and as you can imagine, this led to a few painful collisions.
One day, I finally plucked up the courage to tell my mom why I was so afraid of the dark. She listened, understood, and assured me that I would eventually get over it. I even drew a picture of one of the creatures for her.
Her solution was brilliant in its simplicity. She handed me a cooking stick and said, “If you see them, beat them away.”
And you know what? It worked.
For reference, the creature I was afraid of came from Dexter’s Laboratory. It wasn’t the creepy episode where the fish died. It was from the G.I.R.L Squad episode, where Dee Dee and her friends try to fight crime in their neighborhood and end up making a mess. There was this shadowy figure they followed for the entire episode, and that was the creature that haunted me.
Liver with Niskerone at the end of his set at Oppikoppi 2011 |
Hokey and I stood outside the gas station. Once again, she had ruined my brilliant plans. I threw my hands up in frustration. "You’re starting to sound like Mama with all this ‘save the world’ nonsense. Honestly, it’s like you got all the good genes or something. Either do it right or stay home next time, okay?"
I took a deep breath and snapped my fingers. Flames burst from my hair, racing to meet the dormant gas pumps. An instant later, the station erupted in a flash explosion. "See?" I said, a smile creeping across my face. "That is how you get rid of a gas station."
Hokey stared at the inferno for a moment before nodding. I couldn’t help but worry about her. She never seemed to share my enthusiasm for chaos, which I found odd since we were twins.
Work done for the day, we started our walk home. The streets were alive with the usual bizarre sights: aberrant aspics, beery beggars, cloned cavies, desultory desserts, edible elms, feisty fruit, ghetto gentlemen, hoity toity hookworms, incendiary ivory tusks, jugular jokers, kittenish knuckleheads, lively lasses, messy messengers, Norwegian noodles, optimistic orangutans, peevish pewits, queen sized quinches, rowdy ravers, sleazy sheriffs, trendy teachers, unconvincing ulcers, venerable vampires, wise waffles, youthful yogis and zany zebras.
They were all waiting in line for the vaccination against the latest disease I had invented. I called it the Soda Turner Infection, or STI. The line stretched as far as I could see, probably all the way around the world. I couldn’t understand why they were so afraid of turning into soda. Personally, I thought it was a great outcome. More soda to drink! I just hoped most of them would turn into grape soda.
"Have you had your vaccination?" Hokey asked in a croaky voice.
"Why would I need it?" I scoffed. "I’m Dragona, creator of chaos. No infection would dare touch me without facing the consequences."
Hokey didn’t say another word.
A warm breeze brushed across my afro, and suddenly I felt a chill snake through my body.
"It’s freezing!" I shouted, shivering as goosebumps spread up and down my arms. I started running for home. Hokey just shook her head and followed. She already knew what was happening to me.
I sprinted into my room, dove into bed, and grabbed one of Mama’s heat potions. I emptied it over my head, desperate for warmth. "Hokey, what are you doing? Why are you getting into the cupboard?" My teeth chattered so loudly I could barely hear myself speak.
Hokey didn’t answer. She climbed into her spider cupboard and shut the door behind her.
The next moments became a blur. The warmth never came, and my skin began to tingle. I remember reaching for the blankets, but it was too late.
Do you remember me? I’m Dragona, the poisonous orange soda. You might recall me from my last story, the one where I was turning into a soda.
This is the end for me. It’s only been three minutes since I turned into this cursed drink, but I think Mama is getting thirsty. And Hokey, my dear twin sister, is twirling her hair, her gaze lingering on me in a way that makes my insides fizz with panic.
I might have mere nanoseconds or five hours left to live. Oh, the agony. Why did my own invention betray me? Why would the Soda Turner Infection turn on its creator?
There are too many questions and not enough answers.
MAMA IS REACHING FOR ME!
HELP!